In November 2008, during my yoga teacher training, I injured my shoulder really badly. I wanted to share the back story with you before explaining where I am today with this injury.
***
Here are some excerpts directly from my training journal:
Monday Nov 17, 2008
Woke up and my right bicep is throbbing. Have no clue what I did to make it so horribly painful, but I tried to just lift my arms over my head and started crying because the pain was excruciating. Owwww! Guess I won’t be doing yoga this A.M.
Wed Nov 19, 2008
Observed class tonight. Amber says it’s ok to take a break. I WANT TO PRACTICE YOGA! She said to practice pranayama and meditation.
Sun Nov 23, 2008
Responding to article: Coming Back from Injury Through Ashtanga by Larry Shultz
What amazing timing for this article—after this past week of not practicing because of my arm/shoulder pain. In the past, my hurts were usually pulled muscles, and I could identify the injury and knew how to take care of myself. But this recent pain was unidentifiable and felt like something was seriously wrong. My fears were that if I continued to practice without resting, I would hurt my arm even more, that I was never going to heal (permanent injury), and that I would lose all the strength and endurance I had gained if I took a break. I had judgments “I’m a loser” and “I obviously don’t know how to practice safely.” So it seemed like a terrible thing. But there are always gifts and blessings in every challenge: I learned to take care of myself, listen to my body, TRUST my body, and now I can be more empathetic and more compassionate toward others who are hurt or taking a break (and as a teacher, it helped me learn some modifications). The one really powerful question that this article triggered for me: he said people who practice for a month regularly often have new pain spring up, but often it’s always been there inside them. I wonder if my arm pain is really old news that’s just now presenting itself?
Mon Dec 1st, 2008
Intention- breathe love into my shoulder and wipe away any pain- move the negative energy out of my arm! My body was SO happy and thankful at the end of class. Amber said “fold at center” for uttanasana. Center. I feel more centered!
***
This week, nearly 1.5 years after this injury, I finally sought treatment. When the injury initially occurred, I had massages and energy work done to reduce the inflammation and such, but I never went to the doctor. I was too scared. So I developed this odd, cyclic routine that allowed me to practice intensely for a while, then when the shoulder started to hurt I backed off and rested for a while, then back to practicing once it felt better, etc. etc. But I am tired of the pain, tired of not being able to build my asana practice because I am not strong enough in the upper body. Tired of complaining to my special guy on really bad painful days. And tired of replying that yes, I have an injury, at every new yoga class or workshop that I attend. I want to be able to practice yoga for a VERY long time, and in my current physical state, I am feeling very stuck.
So, I finally decided it is time to seek treatment. When I went to see my primary care physician in March for a terrible cough/cold, I asked her about my shoulder. She diagnosed me with bicep tendinitis and recommended physical therapy. It felt good to finally have a name for my pain. But I had no idea where to begin to find a physical therapist, and I was afraid it would cost me a lot of money (realizing high deductible insurance wasn’t the best choice)!
A few weeks ago I serendipitously met someone with the same injury and was directed to a doctor that practices a special non-invasive method called the Graston Technique that breaks up the scar tissue in the injured area. I had my first treatment this week, which will eventually include physical therapy, and I couldn’t be happier. Don’t get me wrong: this appointment was not a total cakewalk! It included some gentle reprimanding that it took me so long to have someone look at my shoulder. And my bicep area is definitely sore a few days later.
But I know within the core of my being that I am on the Healing Road, and I am so relieved that I finally asked for help. I trust that the universe will support me financially as I move through this recovery. I hope this entry will encourage all of you to seek medical treatment directly after an injury, instead of waiting until years later when it’s gotten much worse. Please keep me (and my shoulder!) in your thoughts as I begin this journey.
Is there something you’ve been avoiding asking for help with that you could ask for help with today?
Choose love,
Grace
